Random Things
by Bishonen Chaser
Summary: This is for the people who have wondered what kind of bumper stickers and answering machine messages the GW characters would have! A must read if you like humor! reviews are wanted! Well you asked for it! The fourth part has been uploaded! Yet More Random
1. Default Chapter

Random Things

Random Things

This is just a list of some things that I think that the boys would have. First off we have bumper stickers…

Heero

"Keep honking…I'm reloading."

Duo

"Honk if you like peace and quiet."

Trowa

Get in; sit down, shut up, and HANG ON!!!

Quatre

"Keep America beautiful. Swallow your beer cans."

And,

"Don't drink and drive…you might hit a bump and spill your drink."

Wufei

"So what if I'm slow. I'm still ahead of you."

Relena

"Caution: I drive like you do."

Zechs

"Why drink and drive when you can smoke dope and fly home?"

Treize

"Don't drink and park – accidents cause people." 

(Just think about how he got Mariemaia! I mean come on just go read Heero's Episode Zero.)

Dorothy

"Drive defensively. Buy a tank."

(I think a gold tank is implied here. ^_~)

And,

"Warning! I speed up to run down little animals."

Now for answering machine messages…

Heero

"FOXTROT-LIMA-ALPHA-SIERRA-HOTEL. KEY-DESTRUCT-SEQUENCE-NOW. THIS-TERMINAL-ALSO-ACCEPTS-VOICE-MESSAGES."

And,

"You have reached the Strategic Air Command Nuclear Missile Storage Facility. I am unable to come to the phone right now. At the sound of the tone, please leave your name, number, and the target or list of targets, and I'll launch as soon as I can. And have a nice day."

And,

"Hi! I'm probably home; I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave a message, and if I don't call you back, or you're Relena, it's you."

And,

"Hello I'm on a four state killing spree! WHATTA YA WANT?"

And,

"Hi, this is Heero Yuy. Leave a message and tell me what I can do to…I mean _for_ you."

And,

Preventer Space Station; Commander Heero Yuy can't come to the phone right now. He's either saving the world/colony's from some dread, unnamed organization, or perhaps taking a nappy. Leave your name and number after the beep and if you're not Relena he will call you back."

Duo

"You've reached Duo's room. He's not in right now. If this is Lady Une, Duo's on a mission. Yeah. Yeah, that's it, that's the ticket. If this is Heero; Duo is out with some girls at a party. Yeah, that's it. If this is anyone else he's at a party and you're not. Yeah, a party with the president. Yeah, and…the pope. Yeah that's it."

And,

"Please leave your name, number, the time you called, and your favorite color of underwear. I'll get back to you if I like the color."

And,

"Hello this is Death. I'm not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll be right with you."

And,

"Hi, this is Duo and thank you for calling during my spring pledge drive. A basic membership is only $30, and a $60 pledge gets you an "I Love Duo" T-shirt. Please wait for the tone and thank you for the pledge."

Trowa

(Doing a Rod Sterling imitation) "You're dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world without time, were sound collides with color and shadows explode. You see a signpost up ahead – this is no ordinary telephone answering device…you have reached "The Twilight Phone"."

And,

"This is not an answering machine – this is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call."

Quatre

"Next on Public Radio 91 we'll be hearing music of Antonin Dvorak. This is the Beep Serenade in C-Sharp Minor, opus 72…"

And, 

"Hi you've reached the residence of Quatre Raberba Winner. He can't come to the phone right now, because he's cleaning the refrigerator. Please leave your name and number and he'll get back to you."

And,

"Hello my name is Quatre Raberba Winner. You killed my father. Leave your name and number and prepare to die."

And,

(In ZERO mode) "Hi, I'm not home because I've gone on a BLOODY RAMPAGE! When I get home, and CLEAN OFF THE BLOOD, I'll be sure to give you a call. If I haven't ALREADY COME OVER, that is." (Loony laughter.)

Wufei

"Do you know what is so unjust about answering machines? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine nice and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through a long, unjust answering machine message when you call me. Further more…"

Relena

"The Vice Foreign Minister is not in her office at this time. Please leave your name, phone number, and the name of the country that you wish to convert to Pacifism, and the secret password."

Dr. J.

"Good day, Heero. Your contact, Dr. J., is not available right now. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to leave your name, number, and a brief message at the tone. This tape will self-destruct in 30 seconds. Good luck, Heero."


	2. More Random Things! you asked for it!

More Random Things

More Random Things

You asked for it!

More bumper stickers!

Relena and/or Dorothy

If you don't like my driving, get off the sidewalk!

Duo

Speed on brother, Hell ain't even half full!

More answering machine messages!

Trowa

Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. I know how you are and what you want so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.

And,

Thanks for calling Dial-A-Shrink. I can't come to the phone right now, so after the tone, please leave your name and number, then talk briefly about your childhood and tell me what comes to mind when you hear the following words: orange…mother…unicorn…Gundam. I'll get back to you with my diagnosis as soon as possible.

And,

I can't come to the phone right now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks.

Quatre

Around the world today, millions still speak French as either a first or second language. But with your continued support and help, we can wipe out the French in our lifetime. Please leave a message in English at the tone, and remember, if someone tries to speak French to you, just say, "non".

And,

Hello, this is the Computer Music Research Institute of L4. We can't take your call at the moment, but we would like you to leave a critique of one of our current works in progress. BEEP.

Duo

Thank you for phoning the Save The Duo's Hotline. Our operators do not exist at the moment, but if you wish it make a contribution, please leave your name, number, and the amount of your request at the sound of the beep, and something will get back to you shortly.

And,

Hello! This is Duo. If you leave a message, I'll get back to you soon. If you leave a ~sexy~ message, I'll get back to you sooner!

Zechs and Noin

Zechs: hello! Zechs and Noin aren't here right now, but if…

Noin: Zechs, what are you doing?

Zechs: I'm leaving a phone message since we aren't here.

Noin: But you left the last one. It's my turn.

Zechs: no, I'm sure it's my turn.

Noin: no, you're wrong. It's definitely my turn.

Zechs: You baka, I know it's my…Noin…what are you doing with that frying pan? (BONK…THUD)

Noin: Zechs is out right now, so please leave you name and number.

And,

Hello, you've reached Zechs and Noin. We can't come to the phone right now, because we are doing something we really enjoy. Noin likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right…real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.

Father Maxwell

This is Father Maxwell. We are not…excuse me a moment, please. Duo put the little boy down. PUT HIM DOWN!(sound of window breaking) Great! What a mess. I'll have to get back to you later.

The Maganacs

(all crowd around the phone. Sung to the tune of "Frere Jacques") We're not here now, we're not here now, don't hang up, don't hang up, leave your name and number, leave your name and number, we'll call you back, we'll call you back.

OZ soldier

(airplanes and machine guns in the background) Hi, I'd come to the phone, but I'm UNDER ATTACK!!! IT'S A GUNDAM!!!

Authors note: okay I have more but I figured I'd make y'all beg for them! So if you want another part, review and tell me! Also, anything you want to add can be put in a review or you can email me directly, [Christian.m.hall@att.net][1] the more reviews I get the sooner the next part will be out!

   [1]: mailto:Christian.m.hall@att.net



	3. um...yeah

Even More Random Things

Even More Random Things

Well I'm out of bumper stickers so if you have any more to add email me at, [Christian.m.hall@att.net][1]

Onto the answering machines

Duo

Hi. Do you ever feel, like, your head is full of sand, not your regular loose sand mind you, but compacted sand, and there were like, I dunno, bugs or something jumping up and down on the compacted sand? Well, sometimes I do. Oh and, leave a message.

And,

Hello. I'm Duo's answering machine. What are you?

And,

Hi, you've reached the home of Duo Maxwell. If you are calling to collect a student loan, gambling debt, or other obligation, please press one and hang up now. If you are selling any product or service, or requesting charitable donations, please press 2 and hang up now. Otherwise, press 3and lave your message now. Pressing 3 is optional.

And,

Hello. This is Nonoxynol-9, the personal and privet telephone number of Mikhail Vladivostok Gorbachev, General Secretary of the Supreme Council of the glorious Communist Party of the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics, Commander-In-Chief of the Combined Armies of the Proletariat Peoples of Russia, First Citizen of the Order of Lenin, Supreme Patron of the Soviet Institute of Literature and Domestic Sciences, President of the Soviet People's Council of Peace and Happiness and Captain of the Kremlin B Squash Team. (Wufei's voice heard in background.) "No you're not!!!" (Duo's voice moves away from the answering machine.) "Shut up, baka!" (Voice comes closer) "But hey call me Duo! Leave a message at the beep."

And,

This is Heero Yuy. Duo's not here right now. He's out on a date. The idea of Duo entertaining a girl with his basketball theories and what little computer knowledge he has learned from me over dinner at Taco Bell should scare the hell out of you. He'll probably be home soon, so leave your name and number and he'll call you back. Deal with it."

And,

Shinigami speaking, whom in hell do you want?

And, 

Hell, Shinigami speaking…

Relena

(Zechs was over at Relena's house and she left the room and so in a loud, deep, horror film voice he recorded:) "Hi, this is Relena. I'm not myself right now. If you leave your name and number, I'll get back to you when I'm feeling better."

Heero

Prepare for alpha test of Beep Software revision 1.05. Counting down to test: 5…4…3…2…1…"

Romafeller

"Thank you for calling The Romafeller Foundation. If you wish to speak with Treize, push 1 on your touch-tone phone now. If you would like to speak to Duke Dermail, push 2 on your touch-tone phone now. If you would like to be transferred to Zechs, push 3 on your touch-tone phone now. If you would like to speak to Mr. Treize's personal assistant, Lady Une, push 4 on your touch-tone phone now. If you wish to speak with Col. Une, push 5 on your touch-tone phone now. If you have a wrong number push, 6 on your touch-tone phone now. If you would like to speak to an OZ soldier, push 7 on your touch-tone phone now. If you would like to tell us where we could find the Gundam pilots, press 8 on your touch-tone phone now. All of this button pushing doesn't do anything, but it is a good way to work off anger, and it makes us feel like we have a big time phone system. So please…(sound of someone opening a door. heard from the background:) "Zechs? What are you doing in a closet with the answering machine?" (Zechs' voice moves away from the answering machine.) "Uh…nothing…" (voice comes back close) "So leave a message!"

Any more to add? Email me, [Christian.m.hall@att.net][1]

   [1]: mailto:Christian.m.hall@att.net



	4. Yet More Random Things

More Random Things

Yet More Random Things

Authors note: well I'd like to thank the author, A.K.A Anonymous for letting me use some of her bumper stickers. I didn't use all of them because you people have to have a reason to go read the rest, no? I also changed some of them so there's another reason to go read hers! The title for her fic is, Gundam Wing Bumper Stickers. Do a search on it in the upper, right hand corner of the screen. Hers is better because she even had a car for each g-boy! So go read it! After you read mine of course! Well here goes!

Bumper stickers

Heero

Laws are like bones; they're made to be broken.

And,

Omea o Korosu. Have a nice day.

And,

Hobbies include: guns, assassination, and death threats to Relena.

And,

Don't use force; use a bigger gun

And,

Guns don't kill people, I do.

.

And this one was given to me by NitroGlycerin89

Calculate how many times you honked at me and expect that many bullets in your chest.

Duo

You have just been passed by the God of Death!

And,

Anyone who tries to pass me has got a date with his maker.

Trowa

Live teddy bears are the best.

And, 

Speak softly, but carry an M16

Quatre

I have crossed and re-crossed the line between sanity and madness so many times I've all but rubbed it out.

And,

Don't drive under the influence of the ZERO System; the life you save may be your own.

Wufei

Drive or get off the road, weaklings.

And,

Speed limits are injustice!

Zechs

Caution: Driver tried to blow up Earth, please don't honk.

Dorothy

Oh, sure it's all fun and games until I stab you.

All g-boys

My other vehicle is a Gundam.

And,

Drive defensively: buy a Gundam

And,

I helped save the world, no really!

And,

It's only pointless if you walk away without blowing something up.

And,

Public Safety Announcement: you don't want o see me angry.

And,

Don't like my driving? Call 714-579-0864 (ßZechs' pager #)

Authors note: well that's it for the bumper stickers! That means I'm out of bumper stickers once again so it's up to you to think of more if you want another chapter! Okay, now we'll do the answering machine messages!

Answering machine messages

Duo

Hi! I can't answer the phone right now. Bob, that's my pet parakeet, just swallowed cherry bomb. It wasn't lit, but I have to get him to the bathroom. Uh-oh! (Sound of something exploding)

And,

Hello, I'm not here right now. In fact, I'm out getting a new parakeet. If you leave a message after the beep I'll get back to you.

And,

I can't come to the phone right now. Heero and I are trying to stuff a body in the trunk. I think we're going to have to size it a little… (Aside-) HEY HEEERO! GET THE CHAINSAW! Anyway, leave a message and if I like it, you'll hear from me. If not, you'll hear from Heero. (Laughter)

And,

My time is billed at $125 per hour. Please begin your message with your MasterCard or Visa number, card type, and date of expiration. I'll get back to you pending credit approval.

And,

Hi! You've reached my Fun Phone Line, where you can talk to my answering machine for only $0.95 per minute! Please leave your credit card number at the tone.

And,

CREAMED ASPARAGUS! Beep.

And,

I didn't take a shower today, and I might not take one tomorrow. So if you don't leave a message you might have to deal with me in person!

And, 

(Heero's voice) Duo has been captured by flying saucers and can't come to the phone right now, but it you leave your name, phone number, and a message, I'll have him call you back as soon as he escapes. Read all about it in next weeks National Enquirer.

Heero

Hello, this is Duo! I don't live here so if you were trying to call me you have the wrong number. On the other hand if you were trying to call Heero, please leave your name and number at the beep. Now I'm not promising he'll call you back, only that I won't…unless I get really bored…

Trowa

Hello, you've reached your local circus. Do you like animals? We are experiencing severe problems with our hot water. Would you be so kind as to allow us to bring out elephants over to your bathroom for a shower?

Authors note: well that's it! I've run out of stuff! I have no more! If you want another chapter then you'll have think up more answering machine messages and bumper stickers on you own and send them to me at, [Christian.m.hall@att.net][1]

Till Next Time

~Bishonen Chaser~

   [1]: mailto:Christian.m.hall@att.net



	5. hehe

Hey! Yeah I know, I'm cheating…hehe but how else are you supposed to get people to read your stuff if it's buried under everything else! And hey, if it made you read the fic then my job is done and my plan worked!

Tag! Your it! 

You've been tagged by Bishonen Chaser


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